


Two Fellas Take A Leisurely Stroll

by lili_does_stuff



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Crack, M/M, Oh also, Piss, Please Do Not Take This Seriously, but its crack so its basically comedy, i literally cant remember what happened in this and i wrote it two minutes ago, if you can guess it i will email you an image of a crudely drawn elephant, im thinking of a kelly ckarkson song right now, is that how that works, it isnt sexual it just happens, oh right the tags, right - Freeform, thats it, the sun is rising as i type these tags, tw suicide?, uhhh, whatever just read it if you want its like 5 paragraphs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:47:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23575654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lili_does_stuff/pseuds/lili_does_stuff
Summary: The year is this one. We pick up where someone's drugged nightmare left off. Shane and Ryan are outside, absolutely demolishing social distancing rules simply by existing. One of them is dead and the other one is dead. It'll make sense later. Or will it? You foolish mortal. You assume I will add onto this? Oh no. It will remain this heap of garbage until the end of time or until I find a typo.Hey seriously tho this is crack so like dont expect anything.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	Two Fellas Take A Leisurely Stroll

It was sun.  
It was in air sky sun.  
Wow so sun much bright.  
It's dazzling Ray's shone upon the faces of two glistening boys, taking a leisurely stroll through nature.  
"Oh boy Ryan," said Shane, fat mustache in hand, twirling away. "I sure do hippity hope we meet Bigfoot today!" Ryan smiled with his mouth. "Oh Shane you have no idea how happy it makes me to hear you wish for that! Even though I would probably PISS MYSELF if Bigfoot were to appear before us!"  
Shane laughed. "HAHAHAHA Foreshadowing." He stared directly into the camera except this is a fanfic so there are no cameras so he just stared into a tree. Ryan just eyed him warily and went back to carelessly strolling.  
The two bun babes came across a fork in the road. One path led across a canyon and had a very incredibly sturdy totally NOT RICKETY wooden rope bridge, whereas the other path went over a fucking cliff. "Wwbfd amiright Shane me boyo" Ryan nudged Shane with his elbow, which is about the same height as Shane's mid thigh because as we all know, Shane is a freakishly tall beast guy boy. Yknow, Shane Madej! 8 feet tall, covered in coarse thick terminal hair, kinda pointy head. That guy. Shane swatted at Ryan's elbow, liken it to a fly touch. "What is wwbfd Ryan?" Shane asked, questioningly. Ryan wiggled his eyebrows "Well pal it's what would big foot do" Ryan responded, answeringly.  
Shane sighed. He very much wanted to not be there at all whatsoever. "Well Ry Guy, I gots ta say, uhhhhh I think Bigfoot would want us to take the cliff" shane said, raising his eyebrows, which were difficult to see as we all know, Shane's entire body and face are covered in dark hair, so his body parts are indistinguishable from one another. Ryan looked Shane dead in the eyes with his brown (?) Ocular things. "Would he now." Ryan said, not like a question and more of a statement, or a demand. Shane began to sweat, moreso than before because he is a very hairy man and the sun is very bright.  
Ryan took a step towards the cliff, his body facing forward but his eyes transferred from the front of his body to the back, so he could watch Shane while he walked. "Jee whiz ryan that's cool trick think you could teach me some time?" Shane asked, not at all wanting to be taught that some time. Ryan spoke but his back eyes narrowed. "●¥¥♧£•■ ¿¥|{•◇, }¥€ ~£♧♧ 》\ ₩€》£○■\○ □¥| }¥€| ¤£|¿\• °□°♡¡□●} ■€¿°¡£{■○."  
Shane just looked concerned, or would if his facial features could be determined under his enormous amounts of hair. He didnt speak, but instead joined Ryan at the cliffs edge. Ryan's eyes migrated back to their original spot on his face, and he turned to look at shane, grinning brightly. "Well if bigfoot says so, we must do so, so-" Ryan was interrupted by Shane just shoving him over the edge of the cliff. He didnt use that much effort, it was one little push and Ryan was just fucking gone. He looked down lazily. Ryan's body was there, I'm not gonna describe but somewhere on the way down he'd realized Shane was bigfoot and adequately pissed his pants, so now he was dead and also a pissbaby. Shane turned around and went back on the trek to their car.  
Once safely buckled in their Honda civic (that's a type of car right), Shane adjusted the rear view mirror. He made eye contact with the two entities residing in the backseat. "The deed is done. Now can I please be put to rest"  
Spectral Shane and Ryan spoke in unison. "You must first leave your vessel and join us in the spectral plane, only then will you escape eternal damnation for your sins."  
Shane's body sighed. "I'm literally bigfoot your religious shit is lost on me." The boys pondered a moment before speaking again. "Kill yourself and you wont burn for the rest of eternity." Bigfoot nodded and said "lit," hopped out of the car, taking his slingshot and a rock from his pocket, aiming it at a satellite in orbit, and nailing it so fucking hard that It fell to earth and annihilated his body.  
Ryan and Shane smiled at each other and began making out because this is my fic and they do what I say. Bigfoot's spectre looked on disgustedly, crossing his arms and saying to the 'camera', "this has been the latest episode of Downton Abbey."

Fin

**Author's Note:**

> There. It is done. Now here is a very important link.  
> http://endless.horse/  
> Click it. Or if it isnt clickable, copy paste it. I'm not asking you. I'm commanding you. Do it.


End file.
